Death: Writing a Book

I have been deep in thought…“what’s new”? you ask, “not much, thanks for asking.”

I am really struggling with this whole concept of leaving, I mean, I have exactly one week from tomorrow. Time really does fly. It is actually sort of humorous, “it” being me leaving and “humorous” being more or less the kind of chuckle you give somebody because you feel bad for them, not because you are jovial…I digress.

I took this class two years ago all about death. We learned about the five stages of grief. I will put them into perspective:

Denial: “Haha, what are you talking about, we’re not talking about me leaving Australia, I have three more weeks left. No no no I am not ready because we ARE NOT talking about it, okay? How’s your toast?”

Anger: “I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE! Stupid month of June, why did you have to freakin’ come…and DO NOT even get me started on those bitches April and March. You can’t make me do anything!”

Bargaining: “Dear Indonesia, thank you so much for the offer but something has come up. What if we say rather than coming on June 16^th we say I maybe show up, I don’t know via skype conference? No…well, what about July 15^th…hmmm, no still? Okay, final offer, July 15^th and brownies…”

Depression: “I (sob) don’t (sob) want (sniffle) to leave (collapse)!”

Acceptance: “I can do this.”

I am really just entering this whole acceptance stage. One thing that really got me here was just taking some time to reflect and think. Now, I promised myself when I created this little blog project that it would not turn into the next e-diary where I share all of my juicy gossip and saucy stories about my love life over the internet(…mainly because if this was the case there would be nothing to post, sorry Grandma…). And alas, here I am about to go all deep and meaningful on you.

Basically, for the past five years, I have been asking myself, “what is it that I want out of life?” This is obviously a gargantuan question and I don’t have an answer…anticlimactic, hey? No, but seriously, one thing I decided I want from life is stories, you know, I want to have adventures that create the most beautiful, scary, suspenseful and mythical tales that we all craved as children. I want to see “the world”, travel to far off places and meet exotic and new people. How, then, can I justify getting sad about leaving Australia –I am doing exactly what I set out to do. Indonesia is at my doorstep as my new adventure, my new experience that holds countless new stories just waiting for me to live and share with whomever will lend an ear.

Well, like all good stories, mine here in Australia must come to an end. Sure, there are always possibilities for sequels but for now I am looking forward to closing this chapter with the most fitting of endings: a happy one.